Friday, April 2, 2010

Game Takes Consistent Effort

Recently, I came across an interesting conjecture about the relative difference in required effort for maintaining an LTR compared to the necessary effort to maintain an active sex life through an endless string of casual relationships and STRs. Talleyrand writes:

Entropy always enters into a long-term relationship. The fact that it is often repeated that long-term relationships take “work” to be successful is evidence of this. It takes more energy over the long-term to keep an active sex life going if you are married, while it is easier and more frequent while the excitement and passion of a new romance is sizzling.
One of the simple facts of life is that entropy affects every aspect of existence, not just long-term relationships. Entropy is an inescapable force which requires regular effort to overcome. Now, while it is true that not as much effort is directly invested in any given relationship for those who engage in casual sex or STRs, it is not true that any less energy is needed. I have had experience with both LTRs and with casual dating. While one's energies are directed at different things, in both LTR game and STR game, effort must be consistently put in either to maintain the status quo or to improve one's results.

In a LTR, energy is directed towards getting to better know each other, towards building attraction, towards establishing and maintaining good relational habits, and towards better fulfilling one's relational role. It takes consistent effort to keep physically fit, to ensure continual physical attration. It takes consistent effort to keep one's mind active and to be interesting. It takes consistent effort to be growing spiritually. It takes consistent effort for a man to offer wise and consistent leadership to his woman. It takes consistent effort to cultivate a relational unity in the pursuit of oneness of mind and spirit. It takes consistent effort to ward off threats to the relationship that come in many forms (spiritual attack, cultural lies, social pressure...). Most certainly, establishing and maintaining a happy and healthy LTR or marriage is a challenging endeavor.

However, is it really any easier for the man who devotes his energy to continually meeting and bedding new women? Not at all. He must always be at the top of his game. The player must dedicate time and energy to ensure that he always has excellent physical presence, be keeping his body in shape, dressing well and utilizing proper body language. He must always be ready with routines, interesting conversational topics, and stories that demonstrate high value for whenever he meets a new girl. He must have a mental list of great meeting venues and comfort-building locations. He must regularly practice his game by going out and approaching attractive women. The chase and the challenge never lessen, therefore such a man must always consistently game well and sharpen his skills to ensure successful seduction.

With both types of Game, which utilize similar but somewhat different skillsets, there is a significant learning curve. However, to the degree that one properly learns the principles of Game and applies them habitually, the amount of mental energy needed to develop new relationships, attract girls or maintain one's LTR drops to a minimum. Yet, practically, time and energy are always required in relationships with women. You never get something for nothing. In a LTR, you must seduce your woman again and again. In the pursuit of STRs, you must meet and seduce new women again and again. In a LTR, you have to dedicate effort to being consistently attractive to your woman. In the pursuit of STRs, you must dedicate effort to be consistently attractive to many women. In both STRs and LTRs, the quality of the relationships and the regularity and quality of sex is extremely dependent on how good your Game is, and how much consistent effort is applied.

The idea that single men need utilize less energy and effort in pursuit of sex than married men is a fallacious idea that neglects the effect of entropy on any man's attractiveness. The simple fact is, having an active and fulfilling sex life takes consistent energy and effort for both the single man and the married man.


  1. Absolutely true. A married man such as myself knows the truth of this. You have to keep showing dominance and "gaming" your wife, so as to seduce her and keep her respect.

    It is not all that hard; and most women will probably respond to shows of dominance. It is keeping the upper hand that is tricky. Sometimes you ease off; sometimes you are harder. Just don't become predictable and do not, do not ever, supplicate to a woman. They hate it.

    It is actually easier not to supplicate. It is supplicating (constantly anxiously trying to keep your wife in a good mood) that is hard. Don't even try.

    I am getting sexual compliance from my wife still after 24 years.

    Learn to recognise a woman's various "shit tests" for what they are. Ignore them and overcome them; and you will have what every man really wants (and most women), male headship and an easy dominance in the home.


  2. Actually I think doing a LTR right is vastly easier than trying to constantly run PUA Game on new women.

    PUA is like trying to get a flywheel up to speed, marriage is like just keeping it up to speed.

  3. An LTR is hard, because marriage tends to grind you down. But I have upped my game and now have a happier marriage. Just don't believe the bullshit in marriage advice books and articles.

    Ignore her moods. Do what you like and think is best. Don't try to please her. Women are impossible to please.

    Women want men who are a challenge and who are plausibly dominant.


  4. One of the problems with marriage/LTR is that people approach it with the idea that that's it, the game ends is over and you win and the credits scroll by. From now on your girlfriend would never *think* of cheating or being a bitch, and no other guys would even think of flirting with her.

    Of course in actuality, nothing changes. You have a ring now. She's still the same girl, you're still the same guy. If she would've flirted unmarried, she'll flirt married. The only guys who avoid her ring are the AFCs you never needed to worry about in the first place. In fact, because those low quality guys are no longer hitting on her constantly, her bitch shield drops and she becomes *easier* for the REAL competition to pick off.

  5. The thing is to marry a virgin and put her in her place right from the start. If you are the one that "breaks her in", she is likely to bond to you. I think it worked like that with my wife.

    If women really do bond to "alphas", being her first and doing it all with her right from the start will leave her confident that she has got a quality man. She will "imprint on" and follow you like a baby duckling.

    Also, don't take any nonsense right from the start. My wife was washing my clothes before we were married. Don't let her be able to claim that the ground rules for the marriage were never made clear. Get her used to her role as a housewife quickly. Make her change her surname.

    Don't encourage false ideas of equality in her. Women are happiest in their place, not speculating what it might be.


  6. I have to say that I think a LTR is more difficult. I'm sure even Roissy has nights when he just knows he's going to be "off" -- maybe he's tired, or something from work is eating at him -- and when he does, he'll probably stay in and watch "Desperate Housewives" reruns rather than gaming women in bars. On the other hand, if you're in an LTR, your game always has to be "on."

  7. Well, LTR is arguably easier because your wife knows you and expects you to act in certain ways. If you have shown her who's boss enough, you can afford an "off night" or even an "off week". Besides, good "marriage game" includes mixing "alpha" and "beta". Keep the girl guessing.

    For example, today I have told my wife that I am not going shopping with her unless she wears a nice dress (which she did); but when we were out, it was me who waited in line with my son for his KFC. You can mix and match. She bought the widescreen TV she has been talking about (after discussing with me), but now she is going out to do the grocery shopping as usual. We didn't have any action this morning, but on Saturday I got her to put on some lipstick and suck my cock before I fucked her. I don't want a full blowjob (for moral reasons), but I got her to give me some oral. Later I told her that her lipstick reminded me of her lips around my cock. Sexual teasing.

    Earlier I told her (TOLD HER) to fix up a messy drawer she had left open. She is now checking her menu plan with me.

    We have a happy marriage, despite the challenges of a couple of decades on the clock and our full share of problems.

    It can be done. Marriage, ideally, gives you security and excitement.


  8. David, you do realize that you have managed to burn that pornographic image onto all of our brains? Way, way, way TMI. I think I shall have to take up permanent residence in the confessional this week, after reading that comment. Or simply bang my head against the wall until the image has cleared (or I fall unconscious, whichever happens first).

    Although it's a good tip about the lipstick. ;-)

  9. I learned the lipstick thing from a male transvestite's blog. He was using it to lubricate his mouth to suck on a dildo.

    One can learn from even the worst people.

    I am sorry if I was too explicit. I did make the point that it was not a full blowjob.


  10. Well, if you made that point then I suppose it was alright. It was at least properly Catholic.

    I do find you immensely entertaining, but we mustn't turn dear Silas' head. He's not married yet, you know.

  11. @Athol Kay: I actually would agree with you that maintaining an LTR is significantly easier than taking the STR route. Momentum serves as your ally, once you have established a solid baseline of dominance and attraction. I might write another post on that very topic, at some point.

    @Xamuel: Viewing marriage as an endpoint is a deadly paradigm. Personally, I view marriage as just the beginning, and everything that comes before that is simply a prelude.

    I also agree with your assessment that it is necessary to gaurd one's relationship from predators who disrespect the sanctity of marriage and would be more than happy to seduce your woman. You must keep all of your woman's affection and sexual attention for yourself.

    @David: Great stuff as always. I love your perspective, your clear understanding of relational dynamics and your matter-of-fact way of writing and expressing yourself. You are an inspiration to me.

    @Alte: You needn't worry about David's comments being excessively graphic. They are quite tame compared with what I regularly encounter on various blogs or even the images that I conjure up in my own mind.

  12. Oh, do tell! Now I'm very interested to hear more, Silas. ;-)

    We all love David, but he does make me blush bright pink occasionally. Which is quite a feat, as I've got quite the natural tan.

    A bit of LTR game from my husband yesterday:

    We were having a theoretical discussion on wifely sexual submission and it went on for quite some time. Then he interrupted me with, "I can think of just the clip that fits to this conversation." He searches a bit, and pulls out this video. I laughed and said, "Yes, that does fit very well," and went back to talking. He pointed at the monitor and said, "You don't seem to be getting the point. Listen to the lyrics and follow instructions please."

    Oh. I see.

  13. Perhaps I am suffering from "elderly Tourette's", a joking name for the tendency for people to be less sensitive in their remarks as they get older. And to come out with exactly what is on their minds.

    Or maybe I just have high functioning autism.

    And you Americans are so cute, and easy to shock.

    As for LTR game, my wife is not especially sensitive and I have found that I can go a long way before I seriously upset her. She doesn't sulk. In my experience, a husband should be a bit too heavy-handed rather than the opposite - because you don't know what you can get until you ask, and at least she knows you are alive and that she is a wife.

    Also, in the words of a current advertising campaign here on Australian TV, "women get bored easily." If you don't make her life challenging and interesting, someone else might.


  14. Oh, I agree. Women like drama. Sometimes we'll pick fights just for a bit of excitement. I suppose that's one of the reasons for shit-testing. It's like, "Let's see if he's still alive and kicking and dominant. Poke him a bit and see if he pokes back."

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