Friday, June 25, 2010

What Women Think They Want

Recently, I went out to dinner with some friends of mine. There were four of us. The first fellow, a stable middle-aged guy (SMG) is quite soundly in the beta provider category. He has a great place to live, is very responsible with his money, throws good parties and is pretty easy to get along with. The second fellow is a player extraordinaire (PE). He has loads of natural game, a well established reputation as a bad boy and a fun, completely comfortable persona. The last person, player extraordinaire's girlfriend, is a nice but fairly typical American woman (TAW).

SMG was extremely excited because he had a blind date set up for the next weekend. He was on his phone texting this girl and setting up a time and location for the date when we first arrived at the restaurant. This was a pretty big thing for him, since he's not very assertive towards women and hasn't been on a date in quite a long time. So, for the first while, he was telling us about this girl and how his friend set him up on a date with her. He was telling us that they're planning on going to a nice restaurant for lunch. Next, he asks this question.

SMG: "Do you think I should get her some flowers?"

TAW: "You should definitely get her some flowers."

Me: "Why in the world would you get a girl flowers on a first date?"

TAW looks at me quite taken aback. She says: "You don't have a girlfriend, do you?"

Me: "Nope. I broke up with her a few weeks ago. She wasn't quite cutting it."
Pointing to PE, I ask her, "Did he get you any flowers on your first date?"

PE, chiming in: "We didn't exactly have a first date."

Next he goes on to casually mention that even though they've been dating for about 7 or 8 months, he's never gotten her flowers, never taken her out for dinner, and typically gets her to pay for him for most things they do. TAW really doesn't say much about any of this, but goes back to the initial question and addresses SMG again.

TAW: "Girls love flowers. You should get her some."

PE: "Or you could get her one flower. A flower that is just beginning to blossom, whose petals are just starting to open up."

PE launches into a story about one girl that he brought flowers for, who ended up being deathly allergic to most types of flowers. She was also allergic to chocolate, so he was quite happy he didn't bring a box of those.

The whole evening was quite interesting, and we had a lot of other interesting interchanges. I am endlessly amused by the vast divergence between what women think that they want and what they actually desire. TAW clearly seemed to think that she liked flowers, romance and nice gestures. Yet, the clear evidence of her relationship shows that none of those things actually matter to her. Instead, she was utterly enchanted with a fellow who is the furthest from "nice" or "romantic" possible. Women swoon for desirable men who have an overabundance of psychosocial dominance. They always think they want romantic gestures, but they actually find a lack of romantic expression, from a fun and engaging man with options, to be far more irresistible.


  1. I've never bought any woman I've dated flowers, and it doesn't seem to have hurt me, really. (Granted, I've never dated anyone longer than four months; I suppose if I didn't break up with one by after six months or more, maybe I might consider it...)

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  2. Interesting story. This may be one of those rare moments where I actually agree with you.

  3. Flowers on the first date? CREEEEEEEEPY.

  4. Women's mouths are connected to an entirely different and isolated part of the brain which has nothing to do with their reality. They are fond of "shoulds" spoken in the abstract with no real basis in reason.

  5. Of course, there's also the huge possibility that she's currently settling for PE because she can't get a guy who does the things she actually wants.

  6. Pre-marriage, I bought flowers for girls.

    Yeah, those relationships never went anywhere.

  7. agreed - whenever i bought ANYTHING for a girl before i fucked her, i either didn't fuck her at all or it was a hell of a lot harder to do so. Don't set the frame as one of "I bring you things because I really want to sleep with you"

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. A woman's point of view - I have received flowers prior to a first date. I truly appreciated the flowers and my date's intentions. I would like to advise you that changing your attitude will bring more success. Don’t bring gifts with strings attached, in hopes or expectations of buying a female’s favors (crass). If this is a prelude to a beautiful relationship, giving tokens is a way to create a pleasurable memory for both of you.(romantic). However, if you are not seeking a romantic relationship, don’t create a false impression. Just go about your casual business and see who falls in your path. If you are clear about your intentions and are focusing your actions appropriately, having qualified your prospect - you should not be griping about the outcome. Do you seek love and romance or a session with Snooki (Jersey Shore)?

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  11. I think that you need to re-examine your observations of this "interesting" evening, and your conclusions about "What Womwn Want." ("..they actually find a lack of romantic expression, from a fun and engaging man with options, to be far more irresistible.")

    PE's girlfriend, who allows him to scrub off her (for months!) -is not a TAW. She is a victim with low self-esteem issues.

    Someone I would respect and desire, a take charge, in control (dominant) man can still be chivalrous and kind, reserved (mysterious), and dependable.A man with INTEGRITY is the man who gets my motor purring.

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